An Unwanted Girl

She was born quietly.

Before she could speak, before she could choose, a sentence had already wrapped itself around her life:

“She is a girl.”

No one said it with cruelty.
No one needed to.
The room carried the message anyway.

She was fed, clothed, educated.
But she was not fully welcomed.

Love came with instructions.
Safety came with conditions.
Affection came after obedience.

When she cried, fear corrected her.
When she expressed anger, she was silenced.
When she needed comfort, she was told to be strong.

No one taught her this directly.
She learned it by watching faces.
By reading sighs.
By sensing disappointment in the air.

Very early, she discovered a survival skill.

Behave well.

Be useful.
Be quiet.
Be agreeable.
Be good.

Because being good felt closer to being loved.

So she learned to abandon herself quickly.
The moment she felt “too much,” she left herself.
The moment she wanted something that might inconvenience others, she swallowed it.
The moment she felt tired, angry, playful, or needy, she judged it away.

This was not weakness.
It was intelligence.

A child who cannot leave a family will leave herself instead.

Deep inside her body, unworthiness took root.
Not as a thought, but as a posture.
A way of living slightly pulled inward.

“I must earn love.”
“I must not want too much.”
“I must fix myself to belong.”

She grew up.

From the outside, she looked capable.
Responsible.
Kind.
Strong.

From the inside, she was still negotiating her existence.

She worked hard, but never fully rested.
She gave generously, but struggled to receive.
She desired abundance, pleasure, ease—then immediately questioned whether she deserved them.

She set expectations for herself that no one could meet.
She criticized her unwanted behaviors, believing resistance would heal them.
She tried to discipline herself into worthiness.

But expectation, resistance, and criticism were not creating growth.
They were repeating the original wound.

“You are acceptable when you behave correctly.”

And then one day, something shifted.

She noticed how often she left herself.
How quickly she judged her emotions.
How easily she withheld care from herself.

And for the first time, she didn’t try to fix it.

She paused and asked a new question:

“What if nothing is wrong with me?”

What if the tired part deserves love?
What if the angry part carries truth?
What if the part that seeks pleasure is not selfish, but alive?
What if I don’t need to improve to be worthy?

In that moment, she stopped fighting herself.

And her energy came home.

Not dramatically.
Not all at once.
But gently.

She began to practice unconditional love—not as an idea, but as presence.
She allowed herself to feel without correction.
She set time aside for self-care not as a reward, but as a necessity.
She set boundaries not to punish others, but to stay connected to herself.

She stopped postponing joy.
She stopped proving her value.
She stopped asking permission to exist fully.

And with that, she finally began to do what she had always been capable of doing.
Not from fear.
Not from survival.
But from wholeness.

This story is not only hers.

It is for every parent who may not realize how deeply a child listens with their body.
Children do not need perfection.
They need to feel wanted—not for how they behave, but for who they are.

Love them when they are loud.
Love them when they are inconvenient.
Love them when they disappoint you.
Especially then.

And this story is for every woman or man who learned early that love must be earned.

You were not unworthy.
You were adapting.

Self-worthiness is not something you build later.
It is something you uncover when you stop abandoning yourself.

The moment you stop fighting who you are,
your energy comes home.

And when energy comes home,
life finally flows.